2019.

I’m a month or so shy of 26 years old and to be perfectly honest I thought I’d have accomplished more by now. It all has to do with perspective, I suppose. On the one hand I have lived on my own in a strange place (The Hamptons™), I’ve had over 100 articles published with my byline, I’ve developed long-term relationships with clients as a freelance marketing consultant and I even saw one of my articles – and the headline I came up with – go viral in 2015. Still, it always seems like I should be doing more, even if I don’t know what.

hamptonsjoke

I learned a lot about myself last year. I learned I’m not as strong as I think I am, but I have the potential to be stronger than I think I can be. It shows at times – that righteous (one could argue self-righteous) side of me that doesn’t take people’s bullshit. Other times I accidentally give people a glimpse of what I’m trying to hide – an insecure, angry girl still holding sixth grade grudges.

With that being said it’s not all to do with my professional life and family/relationships when I say I feel like I should have accomplished more. I guess part of me feels like I should have had a grand revelation about life and its pitfalls. I’m sure there’s some kind of scientific study that shows we don’t fully mature emotionally until we’re about to die – because that’s the jolly future most studies predict – but I want that moment of transcendence now.

I want to REALLY not care what anyone thinks. I want to love myself unconditionally. I want to walk down the beach in a bikini with my not-so-typical bikini body holding a basket of cheese fries while Move B***H by Ludacris blasts.

However, I’m not there yet. I’m still growing. And I guess that’s something I need to live with for now. Until I’m there I can continue to take baby steps… like practicing not having my blood pressure spike when a friend is late to the bar or continuing to build my professional skills despite the ups and downs of the market and my bank account.

So standing here at 2019 I make the conscious decision to face whatever comes my way. Everything may not be the way I want it, but I’m making progress and that’s something I know I should be proud of.

Author: jaimelee

Marketing Manager, Freelance Journalist, Actress Based on Long Island, NY

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