I’ve been questioning for a very long time. Mostly because I didn’t understand myself and ultimately thought there was something wrong with me because I do not enjoy sex.
I’ve felt romantic and aesthetic attraction to both me and women, which makes me bi-romantic.
Phew, got that out of the way.
But here’s the big one: after a very long, deep conversation with someone I trust in which I was able to finally say how I really feel I came to the realization that I am asexual.
Friends that I’ve decided to share this with (and who I ask to keep this to yourself before I decide to make this post public) – you might be inclined to be confused or even scoff at this. However, I am not alone and our community is growing every year. Although there is a stigma about asexuals being part of the LGBTAQ+ community, I believe it is a sexuality – despite being literally the lack of sexuality.
Here is a specific definition I find to be accurate:
Asexuality: “An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.”
And just like any sexuality there is a spectrum, as I’ve learned through resources like AVEN. I’m not going to go into details about my personal preferences because that is very personal, but I am not ashamed to say I am asexual.
I do have a kinky side and that can still be part of my life, but without a sexual aspect of a relationship. But I truly believe that my attempts at relationships in the past (that have mostly ended with me running away) ended abruptly or did not get a chance to develop because I had so much anxiety of the sexual expectations.
Granted, I know it’s going to be difficult to find someone, but I’d rather now understand who I need to find than settle for a relationship where I am pressured to do things I’m not comfortable with. And this is different than being prude or even celibate. It’s just the way I was born.
I 👏 DO 👏 NOT 👏 LIKE 👏 IT
And I will not be forced to do something I have no interest in doing because of societal pressures. So please do not try to convince me otherwise.
I know some of you may not understand may never will. Our community is constantly faced with reactions like: “Maybe you just haven’t met the right person.” But that is a myth. I am no more less a confident woman capable of love and romance because of my identity.
This is me and I’m glad to finally come out on my own terms. I will enjoy my cake 🍰
Note: I made this only available to select people on Facebook because of reasons, but this is my safe space so I am comfortable sharing it with whoever takes the time to read anything on here.